Struggling to Find My Roots

Posted by Monica Edwards Categories: Family, Personal

I am having a diffficult time finding out who I really am. There is a part of me that I have been missing for so long and it has been a burden on my heart to know where I came from, to have a true identity, especially since the passing of my father-in-law and with my mother (step-mother) also facing the ongoing battle with cancer. I need to know maybe because it has me questioning my own mortality at times. Who was my mother and what kind of inherited traits did I recieve from her? Do I have a high risk for cancer? Do I have diabetes on her side of the family? Am I prone to depression because of something she passed on to me? I need these answers as I have children who need to know.

On the emotional spectrum, I want to have a sense of belonging.  I feel sometimes that I am floating through this world, not really having a purpose because I have no hard evidence that I even exist. It’s hard to explain but I know that once I am able to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of getting a copy of my birth certificate with my mother’s name on it, showing that I was actually born to her, I will have some closure. I will have in my hands the thing that will help to define me.

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