Dear Family and close friends,

Please do not continue to read if you are sensitive to the details of our loss—

I am writing this to let you all know, about something that Andru and I have experienced these last few days, and I guess in some ways, still experiencing. Also, maybe it is a way for me to self-heal. We have not contacted anyone I think because we are still trying to get a grasp on how we feel about things, and also because I don’t think I can say the same thing over to so many people. So I hope that you will all understand why we chose to write about it rather than talking about it face to face or on the phone.

I will start from the beginning:

Andru and I found out that we were pregnant about a month and half ago. To our surprise—I was pregnant. As you all know, it was recommended, by the last Dr. that treated me after Alijah’s birth, that we do not have any more children due to my history of preeclampsia and with Alijah, HELLP syndrome. So, in knowing this, we did not plan to have any more children. We were cautious and took the steps to prevent from becoming pregnant again, (i.e. contraception) but as we all know, contraceptives are not 100% foolproof. I somehow found myself in the 8-10% bracket of women who become pregnant while using contraceptives.

So, when I took my first test, I doubted the results, I took another one, positive again. Not knowing how it could be possible, and still doubting, I took a third test. Still positive. Andru says the first words out of my mouth after the first one was “Great” (sarcastic tone).